just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
