so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
