i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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