none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
