"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
