Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
