the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
