Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
