somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
