Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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