Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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