how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
