Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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