Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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