I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
