Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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