just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
