i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
