You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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