Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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