I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
