im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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