just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
