What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my shit smells like andre
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
