insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
