if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
