im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
