it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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