I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
