That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
