i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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