If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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