how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
