so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
