Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
