mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
