We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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