you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
