I love black thongs
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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