The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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