i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
