I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
