WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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