I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
