You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Mom said you looked used
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
