I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
