can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
