ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
