I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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