The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
