R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
