you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
