hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
